Hi! I’m Nexplosion, or just “Nex”! My social media presence and the people I’ve met are from a number of communities. You may know me as a former Rivals of Aether player, a local DDR community member, or maybe you’re one of the 4-key people I’ve gotten to know through discord or twitter spaces!
But there’s also the people who simply know me for my character, the Absa custom color that has adopted into a fursona over the course of several years. There’s no shared hobby, I am simply “the goat in your phone” to you. This may be a bit familiar for that reason:
abba…. (icon from @milkychocoflan!!!!)
I have been a furry for several years. Despite this, I have only really interacted in furry spaces outside of Twitter in the last six months (not even!). I have known a number of other furries from shared hobbies, like fighting game/FGC and rhythm game/RGC environments where we have a common interest or two! There’s a lot of individuals from these environments that I recognize as other furries but it was never a bond from a designed “furry space” if that’s a clear difference. The overwhelming majority of my friends are not furries, both online and in person, and even from knowing a handful of others individually it stayed at that. I didn’t know people who were just “animals in my phone”, and that was never really a point of bonding and solidarity among the friends that I’ve known for years.
It always felt a bit funny how I was the lone furry in groups of Normal People and I have had the same friends joke that I am “the most normal furry they know” because I barely was one. Beyond liking art and knowing a few people who also had animal people profile pictures my community affiliation stayed at that.
There were many things in furry spaces that I was extremely foreign to: I’ve never gotten group/duo commission pieces before. I prefer to be called by my first name from people I know well rather than something tied to my fursona: I could care less about needing to keep my appearance and my “sona” separate and I have a whole ass (outdated) picture of me in my pinned tweet. I have done absolutely zero worldbuilding with OCs. I completely freeze in the presence of “fluff talk” or anything adjacent to RP. I never made a Telegram or a FA account or used either platform. I’m very unaware of many furry content creators and popular furries, both in and out of the Twitter sphere. I didn’t know how Skeb worked until like 2 months ago, and you will never catch me lobbing an unironic “:3” or a “>///<” at the end of a message (no hate to those who do!).
I remember seeing a tweet earlier this year about how “every furry should have at least one “Normal” friend to ground them in reality” and I thought that was extremely real (and had other furries agree with me on that!). I kinda forgot that some furries only talk with other furries and assumed that tweet’s message was just the standard from the ones that I knew through non-furry environments. I’m glad to have multiple connections independent of furry interests along with doing “non-furry things” with those people.
My first impression of another furry was extremely positive from the first person from an online space that I got to know in-person through weekly FGC locals. This was someone who was a very strong communicator, someone who you would not believe was a furry if you only met them in person through an in-person social environment. This person set a very good standard for what to expect and I have somehow gotten extremely lucky with being around socially adjusted furries for several years.
At the beginning of this year, I wanted to make a conscious effort to be more social online, and this included possibly exploring these kinds of spaces more. This came to fruition over the summer; in pursuit of wanting proper Ace Pride commissions over the summer, I turned to a new environment:
Initially, I had one large pre-conceived notion: Nearly every furry knew each other. I don’t say this in a “I am an outsider” way, but more of the large branch of percieved connections through twitter. This assumption came from the branches of artists and their regular commissioners and the spaces that form in support of said artists that I would see and hear about. I wasn’t aware of the dynamic of these spaces and was simply an on-looker on the Bird App™️.
One of the biggest things I noticed early on was the surface level nature of interactions. In these spaces, many furries feel as if they have to “draw attention” from others by their character. Someone’s icon or OCs act as a first impression in online spaces, an aesthetic trait that draws people in with pretty colors or a likable design. The socially outgoing nature of these online spaces through massive Telegram GCs make it extremely difficult to navigate a sea of extraversion: when you’re not anchored around a common interest, sometimes it can feel like your only “in” is commenting on their character. People feel as if they have to stick out enough to make a connection in such a massive pool of other furries, and one’s profile picture becomes their first impression with getting their foot in the door in these social spheres. Despite not trying to meet people from their OCs alone myself, I have definitely done this with twitter following where I just kinda became mutuals (I feel weird stating that but these weren’t really “friends”) because of what I assumed was from that snap judgement. Many furries feel pressured to quickly make friends off of that judgement alone, and knowing someone and liking them because of the art that they get feels difficult with making a true connection with someone. It’s awkward to just comment on an OC and attempt to establish a friendship out of that when there’s nothing else that’s shared, and in an environment with queer and ND individuals communication can be extra difficult. I have seen twitter guides of “how furries can make friends” and unintentionally taking one of those tips helped me connect with someone better (which was kinda funny to think about in hindsight).
<aside> <img src="/icons/meeting_gray.svg" alt="/icons/meeting_gray.svg" width="40px" /> With the majority of furries that I know, I can probably name 3-5 personality traits or facts about them beyond their character. Things that they do for a living, what they studied in school, the types of food that they love, some of their interests and hobbies beyond these spheres, things that give someone depth and staying power beyond their OC!
Outside of furry spaces this just kinda seems like, Normal for making friends: While some people get caught in making “environmental friends” in high school/college (like people they just party and get drunk/high with) you get to know people more beyond their persona or their appearance, and that’s the defining factor of the depth of a friendship.
While the experiences that you share with those friends are half of the battle, a strong connection is truly based off of really knowing who they are as people, well beyond a “silly creature on your computer”.
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In the context of building relationships, it can feel completely insurmountable to develop from a snap judgement into a lasting connection in these spaces. When an individual is going to college for the first time, the best answer to “how do I make friends?” comes from participating in clubs, sports, or any extracurricular activity as a means of bonding and connection building. Making a friend revolves around shared interests, and it’s easier to get to know someone beyond a shared hobby once the ice is broken from that interest. In a lot of cases, furries will talk to reach other or reach out from their icons and characters alone, a singular judgement of “I might want to get to know this person more, they seem interesting” to get the ball rolling, even if it’s fixated on something superficial that doesn’t tell you much about the other party.
I had a period of being pretty loose with following furries on twitter and developing mutuals (not friends in most cases) that I don’t know much about beyond “hey this person’s character is cool and they seem to know x other people”. Without an interest to communicate over it kinda feels like there’s no reasonable way to have that go anywhere without it being extremely awkward on both ends. How do I know this person beyond art pieces that they have gotten? How does a connection form into something beyond this superficial snap judgement? Is this person really a “friend” to me or did I just think “woah I like this OC design” and assume I should talk about that? It feels like the equivalent of platonically commenting on someone’s appearance in public in hopes that they’d reciprocate, just instead in an online medium and tied to a character that they made. It feels empty and borderline parasocial at times to quantify someone as nothing but their character. While it can still be possible to make a connection this way and segway into other interests, it’s a facade that doesn’t tell you about their personality, and becomes a very awkward conversation starter in an environment where communication is extra difficult. I had an experience where liking someone’s character actually did turn into a connection but that need for a shared interest had to be present for the bond to form (in this case, rhythm games).
<aside> ❔ Without an anchor of a common hobby, it can feel intrusive to initiate based on a persona the other party has created. Would you talk to a stranger and want to get to know them more because you like their hair? Would that be something you’d want to build a connection over if a stranger came to you with that compliment?
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What does this really mean? Why does this indicator have the value that it does?